So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize