I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
