apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
