Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
