I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
