oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
