I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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