k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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