our cab driver is having phone sex.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize