You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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