she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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