So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.