I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...