O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome