I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
