Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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