Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
even my farts smell like vagina
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
