We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
