3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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