Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
