I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
