I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
