why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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