Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Life is so much better after having sex.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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