i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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