I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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