note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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