just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
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all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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