It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
