Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
