if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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