You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
