I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
im having a threesome with these popsicles
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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