stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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