i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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