either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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