If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
