it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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