Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
