and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
