Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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