the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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