I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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