We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
