He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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