I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
how does that bad decision feel?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
