you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
