did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
