he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
