I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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