I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize