I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
