Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
