How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
