It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
