My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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