I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
