Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
