i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
