Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
