'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
