sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
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Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
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Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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