He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
