I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
