I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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