I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
