yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
