I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
