i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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