you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
